After a Long Time...

It's really been a really long time since I last wrote. Partly because I was into a hibernation mode, no activity from the heart, no emotions peaking the positive or the negative, which are my stimulants.

A series of events, almost drove me to death. Emotional death actually. And its not the events but I who is to be held responsible, because I reacted in the wrong manner, I disregarded the 90% authority I had just because of the 10% that did not go exactly the way I wanted it to.

As time passed, I realized, once again, that there's nothing such as "bad luck" as this guy puts it whose seminar video I watched a couple of days ago. There is something which is beyond your control, yes, but it never means you harm. It means you well. I was super pissed off the day my awesome site which I was counting on and looking forward to attending for the coming 4 and a half months back in January, was rejected by my superiors. I was pissed, scared, and utterly dejected. Everyone had sites, I had none, and I had to give up a site I so very much wished to attend. This was the least potent in a series of circumstances that arose starting maybe August last year, but the final blow that slew my emotions completely. I was already weak, it finished me off.

But as they say, (and as we all know)ends are usually where new stories begin from. And so it has happened. After a stretch of blank pages, I'm writing again. Alas! The phoenix emerges from the ashes.

I had my peak today morning after so long. And as it goes, revival is also not sudden. First something moves within, and you dismiss it for nothing, then something stirs really well to be ignored and you notice something is happening, but still its not strong enough to manifest itself in full form. With time, many circumstances arise such that they feed the thing within, more and more, and one fine day LO! It manifests. And suddenly, you reflect back on all of the event that led to where you stand at that moment. And emotions surge past your calculating bran, and flood your heart that had gone dry and barren since so long. You breathe again. And it finally is visible in your eyes, in your smile, in the way you walk, the way you talk, in everything you do.

The same conditions that I cursed back in January led me to where I am today. I was exposed to things I had longed for since so long, and was more than glad to be an audience to. Knowledge I had been longing for so long, finally I know a path that leads there.

I can never put into words how grateful I am to my boy for looking over me. How much I miss him and how much I wish him peace and bliss of the highest degree. I came across this really nice snap, of a little kid and a pup, with the most suitable caption it could ever get, and that was it. My boy came running back to my heart, told me its ok to let go, its ok to pour out, and he has my back forever. I know he knows he has my heart likewise. I cried out. Not all I wanted to. I wish I had, to my heart's content, but I did lighten up. There's so much I want to say, express, but I honestly have no words for it. I know he knows how I feel nonetheless. Words can't do justice to what hearts speak.

I had a sense of renewal, of having been re-created.

Image: Phoenix Rising by Silver Ashes at deviantart.net